Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
