well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
