i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
