11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
