with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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