i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
