You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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