highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize