Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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