I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
