she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
