Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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