I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
