Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
