I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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