I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
