bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
