It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
