i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can't special order awesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
