OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
