dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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