i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
