people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
