So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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