don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
