The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
