I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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