not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
