You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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