Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
