I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize