I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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