I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize