rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
