I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
tell me about the eggs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
