marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
