im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
