Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
