the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
