your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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