Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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