do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize