I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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