I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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