Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
