I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
