So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
