guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
