Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
