worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
