remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So squirting runs in the family.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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