sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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