No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
