I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize