just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's like heaven, but drunker
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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