You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
