he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
