Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
