The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
