Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
worst night to have a conscience
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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