That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
