I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
