i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
