i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
