thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
