he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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