I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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