hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
