I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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