if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
