u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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