Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
