if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
