i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
