So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
