I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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