Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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