why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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