she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
