How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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